Lupus – I Hate You More Than You Hate Me

Published February 6, 2015 by warriorprincess4life

Lupus flare. I actually think we should be able to label it as “my body is fighting itself right now” but no…someone had to put a term to encompass the living hell we go through.
Lupus keeps trying to win. I keep fighting. But it’s exhausting. I am fighting my own body! Sounds insane but true.
Lupus affects every aspect of my body and life. I have to plan around whether my body is deciding to attack and I have to attack back. I have to break plans if my body is refusing to let me win at that moment. Scheduling doctor appointments, taking medication, getting enough rest, and planning my each and every move and weighing how it’s going to affect me. That’s my life with lupus. Unpredictable yet always needing a plan.
My fellow warriors, I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the fight you put up every day of your life. I’m proud you didn’t give up. With you, lupus awareness is possible. #raiseawareness #fightforacure #lupuswarrior #fightlikeagirl #fighter

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What Happens When I Feel Wronged

Published February 3, 2015 by warriorprincess4life

Normally, I am a content person. I am loving and caring. I am always there for people. I tend to give people too many chances but I try to give the benefit of the doubt. Basically, it takes a lot for me to be hurt.
I don’t recover well when I’ve been hurt. I shut down. The reason being is I put trust in people and when I do that, it’s not easy. I don’t trust easy and I don’t forgive easy. Is that wrong?
I have been hurt by some people recently and it’s a harsh reality figuring out you were an after thought. Maybe I put too much thought into people and how they feel. I feel this way with so many people in my life.
Well, that has to end because I end up hurt and disappointed. I don’t need to feel this way. I have enough to worry about in my life than feeling less than.
Well, all I know is I can only depend on myself. No one else is going to do it!

Pondering

Published February 2, 2015 by warriorprincess4life

As I sit here, not being able to leave because I’m snowed in, I’m thinking about a lot of things. Why do I put so much effort and thought into things when I don’t get the same in return?
I ended up not leaving my house for almost 3 days. While everyone else is doing their thing…I’m alone and it doesn’t even matter.
I’ve realized that the only person who I can count on is me and sometimes that’s hard to do!¬†
I have a tendency to think about others more than myself which poses a problem if it’s not the same in return. I just feel hurt, angry and frustrated. I haven’t been able to sleep because of it.
I’ll pick myself up. I’m not worried about it. But I’m getting a bit of cabin fever!

The Invisible Demon

Published February 1, 2015 by warriorprincess4life

Depression is invisible yet so real and prevalent. No one can see it but we who suffer from it can most definitely feel it.

It’s a constant shadow following me around. It’s waiting for the perfect entrance to reap havoc in my life. That monster called depression finds its way in at the most inopportune times. It’s like “hey, you have a huge paper due so I’m going to help you by telling you that you can do it another time and go to sleep” and end up sleeping days away. On top of it, affects every relationship in my life.

Depression is the devil. It tells me things I shouldn’t believe, but I have a hard time refuting it. And it continues to pick at me. At all times during the day. And I fight everyday both mentally and physically. It’s an ongoing battle that exists everyday.
I think about what I want to do. Homework, research, read, go shopping, etc and I physically can’t bring myself to do it. It’s like an elephant is sitting on me and suffocating me.

It’s invisible but a fight I battle each and every day. It’s a monster and a demon that invisibly sucks the life out of me. It’s very real and I hope to spread awareness about mental health and the experiences people go through just to get through a day.

Master Manipulator

Published February 1, 2015 by warriorprincess4life

So, I left my abuser a long time ago. I have been with my amazing boyfriend for 3 months and happier than ever. I hadn’t heard anything from my abuser in over 5 months. That was until today.
Randomly, my therapist calls me and tells me my ex dropped off a gift at her office. I don’t know why or anything…all I know is I haven’t spoken to him in a long time and I intend on keeping it that way.
So, my therapist opens it and it’s electric hand warmers. I have lupus and fibromyalgia so it affects my hands and they’re always cold. The reasoning behind the electronic hand warmers.
My point here is that abusers will find a way back in or attempt to. Thankfully, I went through and still going through intensive therapy from the trauma and hell I went through.
Find it in yourself to be strong and know that NO ONE deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form. It’s degrading to both men and women. It’s not okay. These types of people are masters at manipulation. They will use play in the book to get in contact. Maybe before I was enlightened I would’ve fallen for it, but I’m wiser and stronger than I’ve ever been.
It is through the horrifying experience of near death that brought me to where I am today. I have a relationship with someone who is the light of my life. The light when I feel everything is dark. My hero and best friend. There is such thing as normalcy and happiness which is something I never experienced before.
I am grateful to be alive despite my health issues and past experiences. Always know you deserve happiness. You deserve a life of joy. It is possible. I’ve witnessed it and I am living it.

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5 Things You Can Do To Make Yourself Miserable For Having Fibro

Published January 31, 2015 by warriorprincess4life

Of course it’s a shock at first. The pain, exhaustion, fatigue, and unpredictability of fibromyalgia is frustrating as it is. So here’s the thing…if you are suffering already, why make yourself suffer more? But we do!
1. Feel sorry for yourself everyday.¬†Each day, wake up and tell yourself how bad the day is going to be. Of course there’s time to grieve, but don’t stay there too long.
2. Pretend it doesn’t exist. That will make you feel good both physically and mentally!
3. Constantly complain because that will make you feel better. And everyone else who is around you.
4. Isolate. It’s time to accept help from others. I know, sounds impossible right?
5. Keep searching for a reason. Let me know what you come up with.

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